


The First Morning Together

by Romennim



Category: Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Character Study, Comfort, Cuddling & Snuggling, Fluff and Angst, Introspection, M/M, Morning After, Multi, POV Second Person, Threesome - M/M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-25
Updated: 2013-01-25
Packaged: 2017-11-26 20:56:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/654337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Romennim/pseuds/Romennim
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jim reflects after waking up for the first time beside his two lovers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The First Morning Together

**Author's Note:**

  * For [klmeri](https://archiveofourown.org/users/klmeri/gifts).
  * Translation into Italiano available: [La Prima Mattina Assieme](https://archiveofourown.org/works/654340) by [Romennim](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Romennim/pseuds/Romennim)



> **Beta:**[](http://1lostone.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://1lostone.livejournal.com/) **1lostone**    
> It seems as if I need fluff too between all that angst...  
> Dedicated to [](http://writer_klmeri.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://writer_klmeri.livejournal.com/)**writer_klmeri** , that, like me, can't write an NC-17 :)

What you feel the first morning you wake up nestled between them - Spock pressed up against your side, his deep breathing tickling softly against your ear, Bones resting his head on your chest, an arm wrapped around your waist -, well, is nothing like what you've ever experienced before, and not just because you've never woken up beside a lover before. There's something else.  
  
You're not a sentimental man, and never have been. This thing that you have with them, this love, is something that you don't know when it was born exactly, but its seed has been there for years, and it has only been just a few months that it has become physical. Anyway, last night was the first time you three actually fell asleep together after everything else you did, and that's happened because you're not on the ship. Because each of you knows how you are never off duty while on the ship. You have to be available, in a place where everyone else can find you when everything goes to hell. And it goes without saying the physical impossibility of sleeping in the same bed, even in the Capitan's king sized one: you three would have to weigh half of what you weigh right now, even Spock, to manage it without throwing someone off the first time someone changes his slepping position. So it has never been a possibility until now. And, before, you really couldn't imagine how things would feel different after sleeping with them. How could you after all?  
  
And now you have this need to understand this new feeling. Something in you says that it’s important that you understand it. And how do you do it? You begin to compare it to other important mornings, to other important events.  
  
It's not like Christmas morning, even if there's the same exciment you have every time for the gifts and the surprises waiting for you. During Christmas there's also the already-felt sensation of expectation you have from the other times. You can't remember your first Christmas, and you feel the new one as you have always felt the others. You know beforehand what you will feel.

  
But this, this morning, it's something you've never experienced before.  
  
It's not like your birthday; what you feel - excitement, expectation, impatience - during your birthday is something similar to a Christmas morning, but everything really runs around you as focal point: the attention of everyone - mother, grandparents, cousins, friends - is on you. What’s really important of this day is that you get to spend the most part of it with your father. Your father who more often than not is on missions in deep space, but tha for your birthday, for you, is always at home on this day.  
So, really, there's nothing similar, because this morning is not about you and you don't feel like the focal point of anything. You're part of something, something that involves more than you.  
It's useless to say that it's not like your birthday, even after your father died. Since that moment, every birthday lost something, some nuance of pure joy, of easiness, of ligh-heartedness that you didn't find anymore. Because birthdays were, by then, too intertwined with the remembrance, with the presence of your father, to still be joyful and cheerful.  
You still feel a little pang of pain at his memory, and a bit of anger for the unfairness of the universe that took him away from you so early in your life, so you force yourself to not think about it anymore, and to focus on the here and the now, on your lovers.  
  
You absent-mindedly begin to rub circles on Bones' back and caress Spock's thigh.  
  
Your mind jumps around from subject to subject while you try to think. Your entrance to the Academy was another big event in your life. But you realize immediately that your situation and this don't have anything in common: your entering in Starfleet was a sure thing since high school, maybe even since your childhood. You've always wanted to be like your father, follow his steps, even before you raised your eyes to the sky and the stars irrevocably bewiched you. And after, after everyone had realized how smart you were, there was nothing else your teachers could advise you to do. Even if you hadn't already decided.  
So, arriving in San Francisco, in the courtyard of the Academy, wasn't anything unexpected, or new. Or, at least, what was new - the routine, the people, the educational system - paled when compared to the fact that you were still on your path to become something your father would have been proud of.  
  
And after that, the next big event in your life has been your Captaincy to the flagship of Starfleet, the Enterprise.  
That is an event where your emotions were so many and so powerful that it took you some time to recognize them all.  
First, there has been only a thought: _I did it, dad. I did it._  
Then the excitement: your life-long dream was coming true; the possibility of exploring the stars, to do it on _your_ ship, with _your_ crew. By _your_ orders and decisions. That had an altogether different flavor than doing it under someone else's command. But that was a realization you had early in your military carrier: even if you're excellent at following orders and carrying them out, your nature is to command. You _thrive_ where you're in command, and so do the people under you.

So, when you got your own ship, everything seemed perfect for real.  
It took you a few days to realize the other big emotion you felt that day that you got command and that you felt afterwards still: anxiety. A type of deep anxiety you didn't think you've ever felt before.

Realizing it was really a novel experience. And realizing the reasons behind it too.  
For the real, first time in your life, you were responsible for something. For more than one thing. You were reponsible for your crew. From that moment, hundreds of people would put their lives in your hands, to have them preserved and saved. _Your_ hands, that didn't even take care of a pet before.  
  
You smile a bit now, at that absurd thought. After all, before your captaincy, you have found yourself in situations where someone relied on you. It was not frequent, but, having decided to live a military life, it sometimes happened that you had to save someone, if not in real situations, at least in simulations.  
But _this,_ the responsibility for a whole ship, was something else.  
  
It took you even more time to realize the other big reason for your anxiety.  
Fear. Fear of disappointing. Of _you_ disappointing.  
You truly feared that this captaincy would prove that you were not good enough after all. That being a captain was not what you were truly suitable at doing. It was a shock to realize this fear. Before, everything seemed so sure, so right. Realizing this fear made you feel like an average human being for the first time in your life.  
And you can't prevent yourself from thinking about the fact that you felt the exact same type of fear when you decided to begin your intimate relationship with Spock and Bones. That time too you felt that type of pure, unadulterated fear. Fear that you wouldn't be good at it, that you would ruin it irrevocably and then you would lose the two people you built your emotional security around.  
  
You smile a little bitterly.  
How come thinking about how good you felt led to this melancholy, to such depressing thoughts?  
  
"Indeed, I am wondering the same myself."  
  
The deep voice, completely devoid of sleep, startles you so much that Bones, who is still resting his head on your chest, makes a little sound of irritation. Your hand freezes and you peer down at him, but it seems he's still sleeping.  
You turn your head towards Spock that is looking at you rather seriously.  
  
"It's disquieting how incapable you seem to be at enjoying your happiness. It seems almost a pathologic condition."  
  
A pause.  
  
"Do you not agree with me, Leonard?"  
  
A disgruntled snort is the only reponse for a moment.  
Then, you feel Bones moving against you with repressed irritation.  
You turn to look and there he is, glaring at the both of you, propped on one of his elbows, while his other hand is warm and firm against your stomach.  
  
"Dear God, you two!" he exclaims and you think that if this voice thick of sleep and irriation that is so much Bones is going to be what you'll wake up at every morning after a night together, you'll try to arrange this the more you can. For a moment you even think you could almost leave the ship to another captain and be happy with just the two of them.  
But Bones is still talking and you know how irritated he can be if he's not listened to this early in the morning. Too many shore leaves and away missions and days spent in various alien jails have made you learn that. So you store away that startling thought to reflect upon it another time.  
 

"What is so damn important or life-altering that can't wait till the sun has risen, hmm? Why can't I enjoy my first, real night of sleep without recycled air in peace?"  
 

He's still glaring, but you have no intention of answering. What could you say?  
And it's Spock's fault, anyway, you decide.  
So you turn towards him again, raising your eyebrow in imitation of him, inviting - daring - him to answer to your still not-all woken up lover.  
  
"I regret we have woken you up, Leonard, but Jim was wallowing in thoughts about the fact that he will ruin what we have and I thought..."  
  
"Hey!" you interrupt him, out of embarassment and a bit of shame. Saying those things out loud and in such a clear and detached way makes those thoughts look ridicolous. And you don't want them to know about them.  
"That's not true!" you exclaims, and your tone is a bit too much defensive to your liking. You hope they didn't notice.  
The eyebrow Spock raises doesn't reassure you in the least.  
"I wasn't thinking about that."  
  
"Not yet." Spock replies without missing a beat. "But I know you, Jim. This is not the first time these thoughts have haunted your mind. And that is not acceptable."  
  
You're flabbergasted. Did he mean...?  
  
"You read my mind without saying anything?"  
  
You notice the angry tone of your voice with a bit of surprise. You've never had problems with it before. Why now? Or it's just the embarassment for the thoughts themselves?  
You don't want to think about it, so you focus your attention on Spock that is still just looking at you, no trace of repentance or apology in the features of his face.  
  
"I did not do it on purpose." he explains calmly. "But in the midst of previous distracting activities," and why does that expression make you blush a little? "it is natural for me to not control what I receive while touching my partners. If you find it unnerving, I will try to control myself."  
  
You forcefully exclaim "No!" almost immediately. To force someone like Spock that is finally enough at ease to admit to do something natural while being physical with them, to force him to control himself would be like asking any human to do something sexual and not enjoy themselves.

It's unnatural and deeply not right.  
  
A faint smile graces Spock's face.  
  
"I was certain you would agree with me, Jim."  
  
You almost laugh. Spock's delicate humorism is really something you adore about him.  
  
Delicate fingers under your chin make you turn a little, so you can look into Bones' suddenly serious eyes.  
  
"How long has this been going on, Jim?"  
  
You drop your gaze for a moment, swallowing a little.  
  
"It's not important, Bones." you say lightly, trying to smile and ease the heavy atmosphere that is suddenly engulfing the three of you.  
  
You feel Spock move beside you, but you keep on looking at Bones.  
Suddenly Spock is in a position a bit lower than before, pushed up on one his elbows too, while his other hand has begun doing little soothing circles up and down your arm.  
With Bones and Spock arranged like this, flanking you, you should feel trapped. Instead you feel strangely at peace, safe. Loved.  
  
"We know you have a bit of a failure phobia, Jim." Bones says, smiling a little.  
Then he leans in slowly, almost purposely, to kiss you softly.  
After, he moves back a little, smiling with tenderness at you.  
  
"But you should have already realized something by now."  
  
Spock's caresses are firmer and, most importantly, lower than before, after having trailed on your chest.  
  
"What?" you breathe out, a bit unsteadily.  
  
You're looking intensely – and a bit unfocused - at the both of them.  
  
It's Spock who answers you.  
  
"That we will not let you fail in this, Jim."  
  
  
  
Hours later, your awed and worn-out brain tries for the last time today to pinpoint what you couldn't place earlier.  
And, as they're kissing you for the last time this day, before settling down against you and going to sleep, your mind provides just three words, tangled together, as answer.  
  
Safety. Love.  
  
Home.

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on: June 21st, 2010


End file.
